I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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