I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
