It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
