Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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