You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
