some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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