just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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