Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
