It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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