if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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