My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
