Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
