Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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