you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
