the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
