Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
