Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
