I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
