Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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