I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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