I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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