I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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