guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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