mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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