I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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