bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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