He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
