I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize