Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
