So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
