Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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