Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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