Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
