jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
