She's JV to your varsity
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
