hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
