Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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