Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
