She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
