My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
