you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
