I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
