my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize