i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
