okay pat passed out under dana's car
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
