I've blown a few things in my day
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
