She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
