Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
