thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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