he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
