so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
