Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
