So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
