So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
