He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
