I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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