I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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