i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
