my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
