You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't put those talents on a resume
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
