so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
