Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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