He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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