Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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