Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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