i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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