dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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