New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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