I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
