I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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