what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
