he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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