i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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