She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
