I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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