i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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