When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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