another moral hangover. fuck.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
