Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
